Ranking System

For years I've been on a quest to find the best chocolate milk. I've tried to impart fair and judicious values as a consistent measuring system. Both dairy and nondairy options are evaluated equally.

The Philosophy

While I would deduct points for added sugar, I won't penalize the entire category — it's virtually impossible to find chocolate milk without any. I will however deduct massive points for anything containing over 10 grams of added sugar per serving. Flavor ratings are based on numerous factors including decadence, umami, savory notes, chocolate value and quality, and other defining characteristics.

Seven of ten factors are graded up to 10 points each, with flavor worth up to 20 and two minor qualities worth up to 5 each — totaling a possible 100 points. Up to an additional 20 bonus points can be awarded based on various subjective criteria.

The Scorecard

Flavor
/20
The overall taste. What impression does it leave? What flavors are present beyond chocolate — mint, cinnamon, others?
Aftertaste
/10
Does it leave a pleasant or unpleasant aftertaste? What is the lingering flavor and texture?
Richness
/10
How full is the flavor? Does it have a bold and distinct taste? Is it decadent and distinguished?
Smoothness
/10
Does it feature an easy texture? Is it thick or grainy? How does it move?
Company Ethics
/10
Fair trade, local farms, ingredient quality, plant-based sourcing. Mildly subjective — I can only go by what's on the container and available information.
Added Sugar
/10
Lower is better. Includes all sugars: cane, coconut, dextrose, maltose. See sugar scale below.
Grass-fed / Water Use
/10
Dairy: pasture-raised grass-fed cows. Nondairy: relative water footprint of the source crop.
Ingredient Quality
/10
No added hormones, overall quality of what's in the bottle.
Organic
/5
Organically sourced? Yes earns the full 5 points and contributes to the ethics score.
Chocolate Quality
/5
Organic cocoa powder: 4. Cocoa powder: 2–3. Chocolate extract: 2 (+1 if organic).
Bonus Points
/20
Protein content, accessibility, branding, and supplements like reishi, ashwagandha, lion's mane, or other health-oriented additions.

Added Sugar Scale

Added Sugar (per serving)Points
0g10/10
1–5g9/10
5–10g6/10
10–15g4/10
15–20g2/10
20g+0/10

Grass-fed vs. Water Use

Grass-fed only applies to dairy, so nondairy options are scored on equivalent environmental terms — specifically water consumption in production:

  • Pea / bean milk: Minimal water use. Scores highest.
  • Coconut milk: Middle ground.
  • Oat milk: Moderate.
  • Dairy milk: High water usage (feed production). Takes a hit.
  • Almond milk: Significant aquatic footprint — almond trees take enormous water and are grown in drought-prone areas. Scores lowest in this category, though I try to remain unbiased about it.

Tier System

S
90–100
A
80–89
B
70–79
C
60–69
D
50–59
F
0–49

Powders & Syrups

Powders and syrups follow a different system because they can't be judged by the same standard as ready-to-drink milk. To keep it on a level playing field, all powders and syrups are evaluated mixed with the same base: a commonly available unsweetened almond drink. Imperfect, but consistent.

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